Far behind

I was supposed to post this outfit ages ago , but i'm a lazy fucker and procatination should be my middle name lool

fall/winter

Lately I've been falling in love with the minimalist style , clean cuts,  it's just so simple and effortless . You don't need to be over the top, it's just like you got off bed and put on whatever and it still looks good. The colors just have a cool vibe to them withe , beige,  navy blue , gray , black . Don't get me wrong I still have my I don't give a fuck what I'm wearing and messy style but I'm introducing the minimalist into my closet and combining them together and it's so far so good . I think I'll start to post pictures of my everyday outfits cause I can , and I have an amazing sense of style in my opinion and I should let the world know about it lol enough with my babbling here are some of my inspiration  

positive vibes

I didn't blog for so long , I'm not sure I know how to anymore . I've been quite busy lately from working 30 hours a week  and being a full time student ,  kill me now and get it over with ... I've been dealing with a lot of unnecessary bullshit lately from friends , family and let's not forget lovers , because they are the reason why I haven't been able to sleep ; and I'm kind of fed up you know. But beside all that I'm not complaining , I may not be happy but I'm pleasant with my life at this point , I think I might finally get my shit together for once and for all . I might be able to move out of my own , next summer , if things keep going this way yay ! This very thought of independence keeps me going , and I'm pretty motivated , who would have thought that . I'm slowly becoming someone that I'm proud of , it's a slow process but I'm getting there . I'm learning the difference between what I want , and what I truly need , I'm growing ..

 

 beside the rain , you've just got to keep smiling 

yesterday was yesterday

The ultimate fuck was given yesterday to you and everybody else

I shall not care no more and that's a promise to myself and to you all

I'm moving forward in my life, alone and frankly this tought doesn't really

bother me no more. It might take me a while , it's a slow process

don't get me wrong, but I'm willing to do it and make it. I'm learning

day by day , I'm thinking more of myself than others. They shall not affect 

me anymore, they shall not hurt me anymore. I shall be happy

Please that's all I'm really asking. Just the tought of happiness will be enough.

No more clouds in my mind, no more rain. I'm just asking for a spring day or maybe

a breezy one , I don't know or maybe just maybe a sunny day.

Am I asking too much really...

a poem maybe , or not

It's sad isn't it when your ready and the other is not
Your heart is in it , until the end
But his heart already passed the finished line and he's ready to move on
I thought that this thing could have worked out
I had those fantasies about us
I was looking forward to tomorrow
You had my heart for some times now
But it's all fading away , just like your face
Your not in my dreams anymore
Your starting to feel like a memory to me
I don't like it , I hate it
I want to get it all back
Is it something I said
Or the words that were left unsaid
It might be my distant stare
I don't know, I don't care
I don't want to feel like this
I don't want to be that girl
Then again I want you to be that boy

you and me

I've got my own bullshit to deal with already, I mean I got enough shit to deal with
I don't need yours on top of that
If you feel insecure in your own life , and you don't feel safe
Don't try to sink us both please I beg you
I already seen too much already , heard it all
Don't play games  , just be true to me and yourself
This thing is going somewhere , maybe , I don't know
I'm not sure about anything anymore
You , me
This might be the end , and I think I'm ready

at 4;14 make a wish

I love the feeling when you're high
and your just at home , relaxing enjoying your day
maybe sleeping or watching some dumb cartoon
It's like for a second you don't care if the world might end tomorrow or maybe monday
You just don't care

Mood swing

I just feel happy today , I don't know why . I feel that just maybe my life is getting back together someway and I'm just here smiling for no damn reason . Bitch don't kill my vibe is on replay on my phone and I'm feeling every damn word of that song . I don't need anyone in my life to make things better , I have to do it by myself and it feels pretty good doing it . I think that I might even get a job , I'll even pray on it tonight . There's thunder outside and it's one of those nights that I just feel secure and safe , I don't know why and I don't care much . I just love this feeling that I'm having and there ain't nobody that he's gone take that away .


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF8aaTu2kg0

Rated R

A women body is beautiful, and I have no shame whatsoever at showing it . I'm not a nudist or anything but I just feel so free in my body , I might not have the perfect arms, might be a bit too short , my boobs aren't that big or my waist isn't that small but hey I still love every little part of my imperfections that's what makes me who I am . I wouldn't trade my body for anything. Everyone should embrace their body , no matter what society is trying to portray as perfect . I read a quote once that changed my whole perspective '' You will never look like the girl in the magazine, the girl in the magazine doesn't even look like the girl in the magazine '' . And that's the truest thing I ever heard

Tired & beyond

I look hella exhausted , it's cause I truly am. I feel like writing , putting my heart out on this piece of paper but I can't. I can't find the words to describe this feeling it's not even emptiness nor sadness. I just feel like I'm not the same person anymore. I'm slowly becoming something that I fear. I feel like crying but there's no more tears. I'm thinking of a way to disappear maybe just for now or forever, I don't know. I just feel upset at the world for not living up to my expectations . I feel weak , I feel messed up like I could lose my mind any second now. I built up this hard surface like everything's fine but deep down I'm not. I don't want to look fine anymore . I want to look like the mess I made up in my mind. I don't want to be strong , I'm just tired... 

Canada Day W/E

This weekend made me learn a lot , I've come to the realization that I've outgrown from certain part of my life and some people . I just feel like cutting everyone off my life except for like maybe 3 people . I can't deal with anyone lately , I'm just exhausted of dealing with people being shitty to me . At a certain point you just can't settle anymore , and learn to not accept less than what you deserve . I think a reason for my unhappiness is due from all the negative energy from my entourage , all the toxic people who can't seem to figure out what life is all about , for them it's just hell and they're trying to drag you with them . It shouldn't be like that , friendship is all about bringing the best side of someone and lifting them higher and I think that's what I'm missing. I shouldn't let people drain my energy. It sucks being treated like shit for people that you would have gone that extra mile for , it sucks knowing someone your life and suddenly realizing they can no longer be part of your life anymore. Everything's gone , in the lapse of 48 hours , all the trust , fun times , endless night everything just seems like a big act . . .

this guy...

I swear this guy is making me fall in love with him
It's not even fair , cause I can't help it
He makes me feel weak , I can't function like I used too
He gives me a reason to smile and I hate him for that
I liked my sadness , I've come to enjoy my loneliness
Now it's all shattering , my walls are breaking
I just feel like he has this power over me
I don't know how to feel , so I push him away
But he keeps coming back , again and again
I'm just a horrible person
He should have known that already
He shouldn't get too close , I'll hurt him
Like I hurt myself and everyone around me
I tried to warned him , to prevent this...

black on black

I've been slacking once again , I promised myself i would at least write twice a week on this blog . It was an epic fail just like the rest of my life . I've been so bored this week , I just stayed home watching back to back episodes of Roswell yay me . I can't watch anymore movies until futher notice since my netflix has been deactivated due to non payment . Garrhhh I'm so broke right now , like I want a job but I can't even manage to get out of bed , how am I suppose to handle responsabilities...

Thank god , it's friday

I've been awake since 7 am this morning , doing nothing . I didn't sleep at all last night cause I didn't feel so good . Thank god we're already friday , this wasn't my week at all . I been feeling so confused and upset about life in general .I just hope next week , everything goes well and that I won't have to fake a smile . Right now I'm getting ready to go out with my friends and just chill for a bit , forget about everything if I can . Maybe smoke a bit and get really drunk until I pass out ...

I don't know

It hurts like hell when you like someone , and they act like complete assholes towards you . It sucks , it really does. What's even worse , is liking someone and thinking they have the same feelings for you and they just don't . You can't force them , you can't make someone like you . You thought that you had it all figured it out with them , and suddenly reality knocks on your door and shatters all these ideas, fantasies and dreams . You can't even do a thing about it , I don't even feel like crying anymore . I just want to get to sleep and wake up when I get my life figured out . It might take months or even years but at this moment it's all I really want to do . I don't know how to act anymore , I don't know how to feel

late feelings

I'm so frustrated right now , why can't I find a decent guy that genuinely likes me for who I am . I might be hard to understand and I may want too much but I'm only human . Am I suppose to expect less than I deserve and settle for whatever comes my way and work with it . At this point I don't know , if I might actually have a happy ending. I know that i'm only 19 and didn't even live half of my life . But when I look at the future I just feel so hopeless ,  I never seem to get anything right . I just get my hopes up on anybody that fancies me . It's not right , I know but I just want to be loved someway .

I swear to god , I don't know how to pose . I look so awkward. It's been way too hot here these past few days and I decided to go to the beach with my sneakers. To hell with it , I didn't feel like wearing sandals and getting sand on my toes plus these sneakers been waiting on me for a while to wear them and I felt like wearing them so I did. I think that if you want to be happy in life , you should do exactly as you please . If you want to wear a skirt while it's raining , you should . If you just feel like laughing when everyone's mourning go ahead laugh your ass of . Anything you want to do , you are in power to do it , don't let other people be your limitation and build rules for you .  They might judge you , but guess what ? Anything you do in life there's always going to be somebody who won't agree with you , and they'll judge you and that's fine . The world doesn't stop there , the sun will always come and the night will always be this dark ...

l8te post

I was planning on staying home this evening, and feeling sad about my life. But then I remembered I still had some friends left. So now I'm going out and I'm feeling happy again.

Je suis fou de la vie - Yohji Yamamoto

What else can I say , I love life . I can spend hours , days even months talking about how life sucks and it isn't fair and don't even get me started about people ... But to be brutally honest , life is wonderful , even when you're at your breaking point and you want to give up ; you know deep down there's still hope for something marvellous along the way , beautiful things can still happen.  I just wanted to say that . Therefore , I dedicate myself fully to this blog and on improving myself  and maybe help someone along the way. Since I can't seem to do anything in my spare time than watching movies , smoking one too many cigarettes , feeling sad and sleeping.

Tina Frey

"Every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling." 

60 questions , 1 hour

 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
Zapp- i want to be your man
Corneille- les marchands de reves
Frank Ocean- back
Singuila - mieux loin de moi
Popcaan- only man she want
Snoop Dogg- drop it like it's hot
 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Honestly i would want to meet God ...
 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17?
I could do that , but i'm too lazy and i'm not happy today so
 4) What do you think about most?
I think about life , what the future holds for me and how I have to escape from this town
 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yes multiple
 6) Do you have any strange phobias?
Dying in my sleep
 7) What's your religion?
I'm still confused about that , I just want to be a happy person and do good in life
 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Hanging out with my friends or walking
 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Not that simple , I don't know
 10) What was the last lie you told?
Couldn't go out today and found some lame excuse why  because I didn't feel like being around people today
 11) Do you believe in karma?
Yes I do very much , what goes around comes around even if it takes a lifetime
 12) What does your URL mean?
It means a lot of complicated stuff but mostly I chose the wolf because it's an animal that I admire
 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
I'm still in the process of figuring tat out , give me a couple of years
 14) Who is your celebrity crush?
Zoe Kravitz
 15) How do you vent your anger?
I don't deal with anger , I ignore it
 16) Do you have a collection of anything?
Nail polishes
 17) Are you happy with the person you've become?
I'm satisfied but not completely happy
 19) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if I wasn't this shy ?
 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
I believe in fairies , ghosts , aliens , mermaids , witches all of them
 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
With my left arm I touch clothes and my right harm my pillows
 22) Smell the air. What do you smell?
I smell perfume and a bit of fresh air from outside
 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
Somewhere that I didn't belong , with people that I didn't like
 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?
It has to be Tupac , hands down
 25) To you, what is the meaning of life?
The meaning of life , is to be happy and to show it to the world , To help others accomplish that as well. I think that if you had to die today and you looked back at your life and your satisfied with the outcome then you have found the meaning of what life truly is .
 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
No I don't
 27) What was the last movie you saw?
Shame , until now I don't quit understand this movie
 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
Until now nothing major , lucky me
 29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
I'm obsessed with the teachings of Buddha , It gives me life
 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Yes alot , people will be people
 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Yes I do , and i'm working on that , it's not healthy to hold grudges
 32) What is your astrological sign?
Aries
 33) What's the last thing you purchased?
Some bus tickets , to take the bus and a pack of cigarettes
 34)  Love or lust?
I'll take lust , this way you don't get hurt too much
 35) In a relationship?
It's a complicated situation , when you want someone and they want you but has life works there always has to be something in the way
 36) How many relationships have you had?
Way too many , and way too young
 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
My humour and I'm easy going
 38) Where is your best friend?
She's probably home
 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
I was asleep , I had a long day
 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
No not really , I don't even know how I still got friends
 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
If i'm always late too work it's probably because I don't like my job so therefore I'll save the dog
 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
a) I wouldn't tell anyone , I don't want them to treat me differently because I'm dying , I don't need anyone pity
b) I'll travel until the very last day , I'll go to Paris , Italia , Amsterdam , Tokyo, Thailand , India ...
 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
I want to be your man - Zapp and Roger , this songs gives me hope
 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Honesty has to be the key , without that there is nothing and Passion is also important
 45) How can I win your heart?
By being yourself , showing your real self to me not the one that you have to be just to conform to society . I want you to show me your scars , dreams , fears . Just be real with me and I'll love you forever
 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
Yes it can , I'm a living proof . It's in our darkest hours that we can find inspiration because where in a place that no one has ever been , no one can understand , it's our story to tell by any form of art.
 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
Deciding that I am living for myself not others , I can have my own opinions and beliefs and If it doesn't sit well with you than too bad
 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
I've never thought of that , i guess it would be. "You just got to on living"
 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."
I think about pain and heartbreak
 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
Simple as that black , if I could spend the rest of my days wearing black I shall be a happier person
 51) What is your current desktop picture?
It's a quote from Frank Kafka
 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
When I think about it no one , I may think I would but if it came down to it I would never do it
 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
A lot of questions
 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
The power to appear anywhere
 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
It would be last summer , things changed alot this year and I miss those times
 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I wouldn't , anything that have happened to me good or bad , made me who I am today . And I wouldn't change a thing about that
 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
With Tupac
 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
To Paris or Amsterdam
 59) Ever been on a plane?
Yes
 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.
 Rihanna
Zoe Kravitz
Lisa Bonnet
Angelina Jolie
Anais Poulin

I'm just a scared girl
living in a world full of monsters
this world , will soon be the end of me

indeed of a title

I've just realised that I'm an really unhappy person
And that's not healthy at all
Everytime I drink , a certain sadness seems to come all over me
I may have all the friends in the world
Multiple lovers , money , clothes , a roof to sleep in
And i'm finding myself feeling sadder than ever
 And I truly don't know why , days like this all I want to do is cry
Cry for what ? I'm not sure yet
But I just feel the tears running down and I can't stop them
I just feel empty
I don't feel like I deserve anything
I'm not a good person
I lie all the time
I let people down
I speak harsh words
I'm a shitty daughter , an even shittier friend
People can't rely on me
People can't love me , I'll hurt them
I'll hurt them and I'll hurt myself
And the worst part is , sometimes I just don't give a fuck
I'm selfish
I'm not a good person
I don't deserve anything

cause i love you and i don't know why...

I don't know how well make it babe, but we will
We'll go all the way out , this thing is gone get somewhere wonderful
You don't get to have this feeling more than once in your lifetime
And when you do , you have to pursuit it
You got to make it work
And i know it won't be easy and I'm not even sure it will be worth it
But we gotta trust our guts and take the chance
And I know you probably scared to get your heart broken again
and babe so am I
We can't control what will happen and how this whole thing works
I'm begging you to just trust me
We gone get into it together and hopefully it last forever
I know that these are just words on papers
And it don't mean a thing in the world and that people lie
They aren't true to their words
But babe you got to trust me
I'll be good to you
I'll be my best
I'll behave like I should
I'll love you more than you will
I'll call you every night
I'll write you poems
I'll learn to cook for you
I'll give you everything I got
And if it's not enough
I'll give you all of me
I'll be good to you babe, you just got to trust me ...
N.S

feeling myself again

I was meant to happen

Lately i've been feeling myself a little too much , if that can be
For the past week i've been laying in my bed listening to sad music
Looking through my window and feeling sad for no damn reason
And today , I decided that it might be time to be happy again
So here I am , after 45 shots of complete fuckery
Loving myself , wearing all black cause I can and it makes me happy ....

Please excuse my french prt 2

Sincèrement j'en suis arriver a un bout de ma vie ,

 ou je me poses les milles et une question existentialistes possibles. 

Tout ma vie est remise en question a ce point ci. En commençant par les

 amitiés de longue dates 

, je prends conscience que la personne que était il y a un ans est bien différente 

de celle que je suis maintenant , aujourd'hui , a cet instant précis .

 Je réalises que mes convictions , valeurs , moeurs , croyances sont plus imposantes

 et je ne les partage plus avec les personnes que j'ai connu presque toute ma vie . 

Il me semble que c'est a ce point ci que nos chemins devraient prendre leur 

propre route et suivre leur voie . Je ne me sens plus a ma place avec des personnes 

que j'aurai pu passer des journées entière , les conversations deviennent plus 

courtes , les rires rares . Je me dis que c'est maintenant que je devrai prendre 

ma vie en main et prendre du temps moi même pour me retrouver et comprendre 

ou j'irais ensuite . Ce sera surement une des choses les plus difficile que

 j'aurai a faire dans ma vie mais je trouve cela nécessaire 

pour que je sois en mesure d'avancer

N.S

Please excuse my freench

je m'en caline sincerement ce que quelqu'un projette ,

 Je m'en contrefiche que t'ai plein d'argent ou que tu n'est pas meme

 un cents noir dans tes bagages. . Tout ce qui compte c'est quel sorte 

de personne que tu es , quel es ta personnalité , semble tu

 quelqu'un de gentil ou au contraire pas très acceuillant, 

la façon dont tu fait tes cheveux , juste ton être pure 

en général serait apprécier. Je ne cherche jamais en 

général quelqu'un a l'apparence parfaite mais au contraire je

 cherche les défaut qui ne les rendent pas comme les autres ,

 leur qualité enfouie , bafouer meme . Je cherche a

 voir au de la de tout sa , j'essaie d'accepter tout le monde

 comme  il sont réellement sans tout le superflu de ce monde.

 Je cherche l'authenticité au milieu de portait repeint milles et une fois. 

N.S

i need it all and more

I just need someone that I can call at 5am in the morning , and talk to him until I fell asleep
I need someone who'll tell me they love me at the most unusual moments
I need someone who learn to appreciate my taste in music
I need someone to make me learn how to cook
I need someone to share my dreams and fears with
I need someone new to write about , sort of like a muse
I need someone that when my mind wanders , is the first one on my mind
I need someone to call my own
I need someone that buys me at bottle of wisky , and we drink all night and tell each others stories that we never told
I need someone who's ready for an adventure , anywhere at anytime
I need the rollcoaster kind of love , we may fight and fuss but at the end we'll know that we got each other
I need someone that when I'm at my worst , will pick me up and take care of me
I need someone that can make me smile everyday
I need someone that will stay , no matter how hard it is to be with me
I need someone who'll be by my side , when no one else is around
I need someone who makes me feel beautiful in every way
I need someone who gives me hope, to go on
I need something to look forward too

I need love


N.S

I swear i'll make you fall in love with me