this guy...

I swear this guy is making me fall in love with him
It's not even fair , cause I can't help it
He makes me feel weak , I can't function like I used too
He gives me a reason to smile and I hate him for that
I liked my sadness , I've come to enjoy my loneliness
Now it's all shattering , my walls are breaking
I just feel like he has this power over me
I don't know how to feel , so I push him away
But he keeps coming back , again and again
I'm just a horrible person
He should have known that already
He shouldn't get too close , I'll hurt him
Like I hurt myself and everyone around me
I tried to warned him , to prevent this...

black on black

I've been slacking once again , I promised myself i would at least write twice a week on this blog . It was an epic fail just like the rest of my life . I've been so bored this week , I just stayed home watching back to back episodes of Roswell yay me . I can't watch anymore movies until futher notice since my netflix has been deactivated due to non payment . Garrhhh I'm so broke right now , like I want a job but I can't even manage to get out of bed , how am I suppose to handle responsabilities...

Thank god , it's friday

I've been awake since 7 am this morning , doing nothing . I didn't sleep at all last night cause I didn't feel so good . Thank god we're already friday , this wasn't my week at all . I been feeling so confused and upset about life in general .I just hope next week , everything goes well and that I won't have to fake a smile . Right now I'm getting ready to go out with my friends and just chill for a bit , forget about everything if I can . Maybe smoke a bit and get really drunk until I pass out ...

I don't know

It hurts like hell when you like someone , and they act like complete assholes towards you . It sucks , it really does. What's even worse , is liking someone and thinking they have the same feelings for you and they just don't . You can't force them , you can't make someone like you . You thought that you had it all figured it out with them , and suddenly reality knocks on your door and shatters all these ideas, fantasies and dreams . You can't even do a thing about it , I don't even feel like crying anymore . I just want to get to sleep and wake up when I get my life figured out . It might take months or even years but at this moment it's all I really want to do . I don't know how to act anymore , I don't know how to feel

late feelings

I'm so frustrated right now , why can't I find a decent guy that genuinely likes me for who I am . I might be hard to understand and I may want too much but I'm only human . Am I suppose to expect less than I deserve and settle for whatever comes my way and work with it . At this point I don't know , if I might actually have a happy ending. I know that i'm only 19 and didn't even live half of my life . But when I look at the future I just feel so hopeless ,  I never seem to get anything right . I just get my hopes up on anybody that fancies me . It's not right , I know but I just want to be loved someway .

I swear to god , I don't know how to pose . I look so awkward. It's been way too hot here these past few days and I decided to go to the beach with my sneakers. To hell with it , I didn't feel like wearing sandals and getting sand on my toes plus these sneakers been waiting on me for a while to wear them and I felt like wearing them so I did. I think that if you want to be happy in life , you should do exactly as you please . If you want to wear a skirt while it's raining , you should . If you just feel like laughing when everyone's mourning go ahead laugh your ass of . Anything you want to do , you are in power to do it , don't let other people be your limitation and build rules for you .  They might judge you , but guess what ? Anything you do in life there's always going to be somebody who won't agree with you , and they'll judge you and that's fine . The world doesn't stop there , the sun will always come and the night will always be this dark ...

l8te post

I was planning on staying home this evening, and feeling sad about my life. But then I remembered I still had some friends left. So now I'm going out and I'm feeling happy again.

Je suis fou de la vie - Yohji Yamamoto

What else can I say , I love life . I can spend hours , days even months talking about how life sucks and it isn't fair and don't even get me started about people ... But to be brutally honest , life is wonderful , even when you're at your breaking point and you want to give up ; you know deep down there's still hope for something marvellous along the way , beautiful things can still happen.  I just wanted to say that . Therefore , I dedicate myself fully to this blog and on improving myself  and maybe help someone along the way. Since I can't seem to do anything in my spare time than watching movies , smoking one too many cigarettes , feeling sad and sleeping.

Tina Frey

"Every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling."