a poem maybe , or not

It's sad isn't it when your ready and the other is not
Your heart is in it , until the end
But his heart already passed the finished line and he's ready to move on
I thought that this thing could have worked out
I had those fantasies about us
I was looking forward to tomorrow
You had my heart for some times now
But it's all fading away , just like your face
Your not in my dreams anymore
Your starting to feel like a memory to me
I don't like it , I hate it
I want to get it all back
Is it something I said
Or the words that were left unsaid
It might be my distant stare
I don't know, I don't care
I don't want to feel like this
I don't want to be that girl
Then again I want you to be that boy

you and me

I've got my own bullshit to deal with already, I mean I got enough shit to deal with
I don't need yours on top of that
If you feel insecure in your own life , and you don't feel safe
Don't try to sink us both please I beg you
I already seen too much already , heard it all
Don't play games  , just be true to me and yourself
This thing is going somewhere , maybe , I don't know
I'm not sure about anything anymore
You , me
This might be the end , and I think I'm ready

at 4;14 make a wish

I love the feeling when you're high
and your just at home , relaxing enjoying your day
maybe sleeping or watching some dumb cartoon
It's like for a second you don't care if the world might end tomorrow or maybe monday
You just don't care

Mood swing

I just feel happy today , I don't know why . I feel that just maybe my life is getting back together someway and I'm just here smiling for no damn reason . Bitch don't kill my vibe is on replay on my phone and I'm feeling every damn word of that song . I don't need anyone in my life to make things better , I have to do it by myself and it feels pretty good doing it . I think that I might even get a job , I'll even pray on it tonight . There's thunder outside and it's one of those nights that I just feel secure and safe , I don't know why and I don't care much . I just love this feeling that I'm having and there ain't nobody that he's gone take that away .


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF8aaTu2kg0

Rated R

A women body is beautiful, and I have no shame whatsoever at showing it . I'm not a nudist or anything but I just feel so free in my body , I might not have the perfect arms, might be a bit too short , my boobs aren't that big or my waist isn't that small but hey I still love every little part of my imperfections that's what makes me who I am . I wouldn't trade my body for anything. Everyone should embrace their body , no matter what society is trying to portray as perfect . I read a quote once that changed my whole perspective '' You will never look like the girl in the magazine, the girl in the magazine doesn't even look like the girl in the magazine '' . And that's the truest thing I ever heard

Tired & beyond

I look hella exhausted , it's cause I truly am. I feel like writing , putting my heart out on this piece of paper but I can't. I can't find the words to describe this feeling it's not even emptiness nor sadness. I just feel like I'm not the same person anymore. I'm slowly becoming something that I fear. I feel like crying but there's no more tears. I'm thinking of a way to disappear maybe just for now or forever, I don't know. I just feel upset at the world for not living up to my expectations . I feel weak , I feel messed up like I could lose my mind any second now. I built up this hard surface like everything's fine but deep down I'm not. I don't want to look fine anymore . I want to look like the mess I made up in my mind. I don't want to be strong , I'm just tired... 

Canada Day W/E

This weekend made me learn a lot , I've come to the realization that I've outgrown from certain part of my life and some people . I just feel like cutting everyone off my life except for like maybe 3 people . I can't deal with anyone lately , I'm just exhausted of dealing with people being shitty to me . At a certain point you just can't settle anymore , and learn to not accept less than what you deserve . I think a reason for my unhappiness is due from all the negative energy from my entourage , all the toxic people who can't seem to figure out what life is all about , for them it's just hell and they're trying to drag you with them . It shouldn't be like that , friendship is all about bringing the best side of someone and lifting them higher and I think that's what I'm missing. I shouldn't let people drain my energy. It sucks being treated like shit for people that you would have gone that extra mile for , it sucks knowing someone your life and suddenly realizing they can no longer be part of your life anymore. Everything's gone , in the lapse of 48 hours , all the trust , fun times , endless night everything just seems like a big act . . .