beauty is a burden

Someone told me at work today , that I was too pretty to be working at a thrift store, that I deserved better. What is that suppose to mean? Yes I get it , I'm pretty and I am thankful everyday to have this blessing,  but is that all their is to me ? Am I not more than just my face? Everyone always seems to be attracted to me from the outside and that's really sad because I've got way more to give than just this exterior . I feel like people always act a different way around you , it might have some benefits but in the long run it adds up to just being that pretty girl . People always assume by my look that I'm stupid , I used to care and show them that I wasn't but it gets tiring and I just let them assume what they want. I know who I am , and what I'm not and if this isn't enough , I don't know if I can take it any longer. I hate being the center of attention, I get uncomfortable, it gets awkward . I don't know how to act, It's like my mind and my face are in two different places at times. Somedays I just want to go unnoticed , walk by and not being bothered. I like to stay alone. But I'm not complaining , It's just that I wished people would want to see a different side of me . Mostly I just  want someone to be able to look at me and say I know that this isn't all their is to you , I can see right through your eyes that you have a beautiful soul , your mind is a sacred place and you have a universe inside of you. ..

to be an artist is to be able to start with a whole new canvas

I'm such a hoader it's unbelievable, I'm too attached to so many things. Starting from my clothes, my pictures. Anything I possess in my name it's a scary thing . I need to learn to let go at a certain point of some things and have a new start. That's really what I want but I just don't have the nerve to do it yet. I think the reason why I don't want to let them go, is because everything I own is a part of me, it says something about me . For example , a picture can hold a thousands stories and emotions all at once, and by looking at them it reminds me of who I am  or who I was , in that instance . It gives me a kind of nostalgia , the kind I crave for . It's those tiny little pieces of myself , that I leave for others to put it together and understand who I am. You can't make people understand you , you just have to show them.