beauty is a burden

Someone told me at work today , that I was too pretty to be working at a thrift store, that I deserved better. What is that suppose to mean? Yes I get it , I'm pretty and I am thankful everyday to have this blessing,  but is that all their is to me ? Am I not more than just my face? Everyone always seems to be attracted to me from the outside and that's really sad because I've got way more to give than just this exterior . I feel like people always act a different way around you , it might have some benefits but in the long run it adds up to just being that pretty girl . People always assume by my look that I'm stupid , I used to care and show them that I wasn't but it gets tiring and I just let them assume what they want. I know who I am , and what I'm not and if this isn't enough , I don't know if I can take it any longer. I hate being the center of attention, I get uncomfortable, it gets awkward . I don't know how to act, It's like my mind and my face are in two different places at times. Somedays I just want to go unnoticed , walk by and not being bothered. I like to stay alone. But I'm not complaining , It's just that I wished people would want to see a different side of me . Mostly I just  want someone to be able to look at me and say I know that this isn't all their is to you , I can see right through your eyes that you have a beautiful soul , your mind is a sacred place and you have a universe inside of you. ..

to be an artist is to be able to start with a whole new canvas

I'm such a hoader it's unbelievable, I'm too attached to so many things. Starting from my clothes, my pictures. Anything I possess in my name it's a scary thing . I need to learn to let go at a certain point of some things and have a new start. That's really what I want but I just don't have the nerve to do it yet. I think the reason why I don't want to let them go, is because everything I own is a part of me, it says something about me . For example , a picture can hold a thousands stories and emotions all at once, and by looking at them it reminds me of who I am  or who I was , in that instance . It gives me a kind of nostalgia , the kind I crave for . It's those tiny little pieces of myself , that I leave for others to put it together and understand who I am. You can't make people understand you , you just have to show them.

This is it

This is my life now , I feel somehow complete . I've recently moved to my first apartment with two other girls. And let's just say for me that a big accomplishment. This is to say that If you really want something , talk about it as much as you can and make it happen. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, leave all my life , my parents , my comfortable bed , no bills to pay but it's worth it. The long days I passed working coming home late , not sleeping enough, being moody , not having any life at all, losing friends. It was just a process of what was about to come. I don't really think anyone ever believed in me , when I said that I was ready to make this step in my life, and It was hard , having all these people around you pressuring you , asking all these kind of questions. But I believed in myself and for some that might not be enough , but to me that's all it took. I didn't have very much to begin with just a bank account with money , some clothes and a plan to leave this city . This just seemed ridicule to others and the more I thought about it, I've grown concerned , I've created doubt in my head of all the wrong things that could have happened. But I got myself together again, I didn't want to be around these people anymore , I didn't want to see the same faces that I was just trying to avoid . I didn't want to be the me , they created in their mind and what I should be like. I don't think I could have lasted a second anymore . I just wanted to be free , to explore the world, because there's so much more to this world than just what you see from your window. And you got to be able to want too see more and be more than what you think you should be !

please excuse my french but I'm happy and It's my first language

C'et fou dans la vie comment j'ai pu échapper a tellement de chose qui aurait pu m'arriver. Je suis tellement quelqu'un de bénie et de chanceux , des choses magnifiques m'arrive que ce soit des petits ou par des grand actes . Je me retrouve au bon endroit au bon moment dans ma vie . je peux vraiment dire que maintenant je suis heureuse de qui je suis et de qui je serai plus tard. Je n'ai plus vraiment peur de l'avenir, elle me tant la main grand ouverte et n'attend que je fasse le premier pas . Je me suis toujours demander pourquoi tout sa m'arrive , ce n'est pas que je ne le mérite pas mais au contraire , tout fini toujours par ce placer en place dans ma vie a un moment donner ou un autre. J'espère que ceci n'est pas l'une de mes multiples phases éphémères de ma vie . Je ne souhaite que le positif dans ma vie , et je veux attirer que du vrai et de la bonne énergie autour de moi . Tout est un nouveau départ , et pour une fois je sens que j'avance vraiment dans la bonne direction.

It's not even my birthday

Couple of pictures here and there. State of mind

I'm a mermaid, don't believe me just watch

I've been MIA from this blog since february , it's weird because I'm always on the computer . I guess I don't have the passion anymore. I'm such a lazy fucktard it's unbelievable . I will probably post-pone my own weeding if I keep going this way. Anyways this is not the point , I will try to make an effort to write something every once in a while , I can afford the time now . It's summer , i'm at work or at home sleeping . For anyone who cares somewhere in this world , I'm doing just fine now, i'm copping with a lot of feelings . But i'm in a such better place right now ,then I was a few months ago. My mind is not as bad , I'm feeling beautiful, I'm getting my shit together . I'm working on it .
I went on selfie rampage the other day, cause I was feeling pretty , I was in a good mood

You shouldn't expect me to study, I'm hungry

Cause I'm bored in the library, planning to move away, looking up some furniture from Ikea. I'm still wating on that Ikea planner to download but it keeps fucking with me. And I'm suppose to be studying to become something in life . But I'm just not feeling it right now , and I want to do a survey cause I like to do them . It keeps me updated on my life and learn new stuff about myself . This is my only explanation , you can either have that or a cold steak for you lunch lool

You are in high school? No 

You dropped out of high school? No, my parents wouldn't allow it

You live within 20 minutes of your best friend? I don't have a best friend

You don’t have a best friend? You guessed right, I'm my own damn best friend

You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed? The last person I kissed lived 102.67 miles from me , and 165.23 kilometres . This is why google map is useful .

You live within 20 minutes of your ex? Frankly I don't know where my ex lives 

You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours? I don't do hugs , except if I really like you

You have been to the movies within the last week? I watched movies online , does that count?

You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year? In 2014 , no I only have that one guy I talk to 

You have been a designated driver? I don't even drive , even tho I should 

You have broken merchandise and not paid for it? Yes , wouldn't you have done the same thing . I'm not a millionaire yet 

You have played strip poker? Yes indeed 

You are Catholic? I don't have a religion, I only want to do good and be good 

You are atheist? I'm not an atheist either , that's too strong . I believe there's something greater , bigger out there I just haven't figured it out yet . I'm just confused 

You recycle regularly? I probably should , but I'm way too lazy for that

You are a brunette? Not at the moment 

You have dated a blonde? I didn't date an actual blond , but one of my ex had blong highlights in his hair 

You are friends with a redhead? Kinda , she's not a natural redhead, it's a wig lool

You are taller than your mum? We are pretty much the same heights 

You are taller than your dad? No at all 

You have a bank account? Yes

You’ve written a check for less than $5? I've never written a check 

You have visited the Statue of Liberty? Yes

You have visited the Eiffel Tower? No , I'm planning on it next summer , if everything goes well 

You have visited Big Ben? Who is Big Ben?

You have visited the Colosseum? No

You have visited The Great Wall of China? One of my life goals 

You have never been out of the country? Yes , only to the US

You have been a waiter/waitress? Yes I was

You own a Bible? No but i used too

You own something with a Pentagram on it ? Humm no 

You have used a Ouija Board? I want to , but my supposed to be friends aren't cool enough 

You have been a witch for Halloween? I get called a witch everyday , so I don't need halloween to be one 

You have been a zombie for Halloween? No

You have your eyebrow pierced? I used to want one so bad , but I ended up getting a nose one

You have a Monroe piercing? I would look like a hooker , If I ever got one . Some people it suits them but not me 

You have your nose pierced? Yes

You have no tattoos? I will, for my 20th birthday

You have more than 5 tattoos? I will have 6 tattoos

You straighten your hair occasionally? Yes 

You have worn a dress in the last 3 days? It's way to cold too , I can't wait for spring

You live somewhere that gets snow? Yes alot

You celebrate Hanukkah? No

You were at your own house last New Year’s? I was getting drunk with people I shouldn't have been with in the first place. It was the worst new year ever 

You were at a bar last New Year’s? No but there was alcohol 

You slept through last New Year’s? I didn't sleep at all, I had a boy go down on me all night long 

You have worked on Christmas Eve? No I don't think so 

You have worked on Christmas? Who works on christmas? if you have to work on a holiday there's really no faith for humanity

You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today? I had a I miss you 

You were told by someone who’s not family? Yes 

You slept in your own bed last night? I've been sleeping in my own for 22 days straight, i'm getting sad

You are dating the last person you kissed? We aren't yet dating, we're in the process of figuring it out

You regret kissing the last person you kissed? No I only regret not kissing him enough, cause right now I really miss him 

You are wearing a necklace right now? Yes with image of the egyptian princess Neffertari

You are wearing something red? On my lips

You are wearing something blue? I don't really feel the blue , I only wear navy 

You are wearing something purple? I don't usually wear purple , but randomly today I picked up a purple cardigan , coincidence? 

Your phone number ends with an even number? No it doesn't 

You have kissed the last person you called/texted? That I can say yes 

You are currently listening to music? I'm bumping some old Snoop Dogg

You are waiting for something? I'm waiting for a lot of things 

You don’t like seafood? I love seafood , especially shrimps , the spicy ones 

You have eaten deer sausage? I've never even heard of that , and I wouldn't 

You have given a complete stranger your phone number? This is what I do , I was born to do that . Talk to random strangers, meet them .

You have been hit on at work? I am always getting hit on , everywhere , this is my life . And I don't even think I'm that attractive really, I am but this is really getting uncomfortable. 

You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you? I attract older man , and sometimes the wronged one

You have been whistled at? In the summer time 

You were creeped out by it? No I got used to it 

You are a good speller? I am very good , and I hate when people make mistake. If you can't spell it you shouldn't say it 

You are very punctual? I try to be and manage my time. I'm getting there

You were dating someone in December of 2008? This is such a long time ago , I have almost no memory of before 2010 

You are still dating that person? If I was then no 

You have cheated on someone? I didn't do it to hurt them , I was young

You have been cheated on? I was , you have to cheat and be cheat on to appreciate a relationship, it's a life lesson it help you grow 

You have been on a cruise ship? Yes to thousand island. This was the time when I enjoyed doing activities with my family 

You have camped out in your own backyard? I always wanted to do that

You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you? I have my sister's leggings. But I've been wearing them so long that I consider them mine

You are a Pisces? No Aries , pretty close

You are an Aquarius? No

You are a Leo? No , but are these the dominating zodiac signs?

You wonder what will happen when you die? I don't worry about these stuffs, it's out of my control

You are afraid of the dark? No I actually like the dark , it's quiet 

You write in all capital letters? Never, I hate people who do that , I'll capitalize only if it's important, really important 

You have been told you have nice handwriting? Always , I'm a lefty so it figures 

You have had a song written for you? Yes actually this brings memories , I had poems written about me and for me 

You have had a picture drawn of you? Yes and I've even drew a picture of myself

You have curly/wavy hair? No

You are wearing a watch? No

You are wearing flip flops? It's too cold. some people still do but I don't 

You wouldn’t date someone who smoked? I would date someone if I like them, smoking doesn't change who he is . Plus I smoke so it doesn't bother me 

You know someone with the same birthday as you? Reese Witherspoon 

You are a morning person? Not at all, it's a self inflicted torture to wake up in the morning  

You are a night owl? I live for the night

You slept in past 10 am today? That is all I can do 

You have big plans for next weekend? Not particularly , it's going to be valentines day and I'm planning on taking myself on a date 

You are thinking of someone right now? I am and I hope he's doing the same

Your job is stressing you out? My job is pretty chill, I work in retail

You have never had a job? I never had one before that one 

You were fired from your last job? I quit without a notice , I can't make myself say goodbye in any situation , I just leave 

You know sign language? At one point of my life , I was really into that 

You will usually try something at least once? Always , I want to try everything 

You have been swimming in the last month? I didn't swim for over 2 years maybe 

You are pessimistic by nature? An optimist , I try to stay positive as ofter a I can

You have taken a ballet class? No

You have taken karate? No

You have taken gymnastics? I think so , I'm not sure

You wish on shooting stars? I was always doing that in the summer time

You wish at 11:11? I still do , I have some hope left 

Your birthday has already come this year? It's coming in a month and a week 

You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year? I was , but I wan way too young and It didn't mean a thing

You ended your last relationship? It was cordial if you can say that

Your ex ended your last relationship? No, my mantra is leave before you are left

You aren’t over your ex? I am

You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you? I don't do it on purpose , I always give the benefit of the doubt and think better of everyone but then I end up being disappointed 

You have let someone use you? It went both ways 

You were/are a teenage mom? No thank god , I could have been

You are an otaku? Non

You were named after someone? They were inspired by the bible

You like your name? I do , it's really unique 

Your last drink was water? Yes

You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’? I did and It ended up that it wasn't 

You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going? I did , and I still do it even in Uni

You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’.? I don't believe in medecine 

You are self-conscious about your body.? Not really , I love my body and I'm not afraid to show it 

You have a hangover? No but I wished I could be on drug or tipsy right now 

You have a pet fish? No

You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house? They used too

Your parents are still married? Yes they are , and that's very hard nowadays 

You have step-siblings? No

You are the oldest? Yes flower child 

You are adopted? No

You don’t want kids? I'm still debating if I could handle being a parent, it's not an easy job and not everyone is fit to be it 

You want more than four kids? I don't even know if I want one 

You have a bad temper? Sometimes it happens

You have made out with a complete stranger? Yes Yes Yes

You usually make the first move in an intimate situation? Never , I like to be chase around , I love the feeling of being wanted 

You have worked with a Kayla? I've never know any Kayla

You have gone to the movies with a Jared? Never

You have hugged a Lexie? Yes , that's my cousin's name

You have held hands with a Marcus? To joke around yes

You have dated a Rachel? No

You have broken your arm? Never , I always wished that I could have broken a bone in my body 

You have had to get stitches on your face? Yes , I'm a very clumsy being 

You have had an MRI? I do not know 

Your fingernails are painted? In black , always black

You like to draw? I love to draw but I don't have the time anymore, and worse I don't even do nothing to not have time , see my dilemma 

You like to sing? I like to rap , I have this inner rapper inside of me, I can't keep him calm

You can play an instrument? A piano , long time ago

You keep a lot of secrets from people? They are not secrets , I just like to keep stuff to myself 

You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you? They already think I'm crazy with what I show them , imagine the whole me

You don’t trust people easily? I never trust people, they don't deserve it , people are disappointing 

You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone? No I don't borrow often, I get borrowed from 

You drive a car older than a 2002? I don't drive , and If I could I would probably drive a range rover 

You have lost a friend you never thought you would? I'm losing a lot of them lately , we're getting disconnected 

You know a child who died of cancer? Yes 

You know a teenager who died in a car wreck? Yes I heard a few 

You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours? Surprisingly no 

You have cut your hair in the last week? No , but I really want short hair 

You wear glasses? No

Your favorite season is Autumn? Summer 

Your favorite color is orange? Orange makes me think of being sick . I stick with black, grey, nude and patterns

Your favorite animal is a dolphin? No I love cats

You last rode in a car with a girl/woman? I take the bus 

You last rode in a car with the person you are dating. 

You regularly watch Asian dramas? I like their whole culture but I've never actually watched anything except maybe Jackie Chan

You love Chinese food? Love is just a word , absolutely 

Your best friend is older than you? I don't have real friends 

You have to go to school/work tomorrow? I have to go to Uni everyday , except tuesday , I love tuesdays 

You answered every question truthfully? Yes as honest as I could be